beg of thee

My strength shines on
While I sing my song
Weakness creeps in
To bring original sin

Your light used to shine so bright
But all I see now is your darkest plight

Understanding nothing more
I am down here on the floor

Humble me, I beg of thee

Extraordinary

When one woman, for whatever reason, has the opportunity to lead an extraordinary life, she has no right to keep it to herself.

Aquarius-A-Go-Go

What a great weekend. The last of the party guests just left -- on this lazy late Sunday afternoon. Yes, DanaMite held the umpteenth annual Aquarius-A-Go-Go birthday bash in Pine Mountain Club this weekend.

Aquarian Lynn came up from Sage Brush Annie's with her instruments.
Kristin, the massage therapist from San Diego, joined her.

Aquarian Emiko from my Art Center days came too & made her yummy home made chili.

Katy (Aquarian) & Grant drove in from San Diego. Bob & MIke graciously offered their spare room in the most luxurious of settings. Mike baked a delicious home-made southern fave - a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting.

Both Suite Caroline from Hermosa & Noni made it out to join the celebrations. Both were passed out before midnight, while the party raged until 3am.

Cindy from Orange County hooked up with Paul from down the street & had a room reserved at Marcelo's new mountain pad. Aquarian Julie & Marcelo were entertaining each other, so they were missing in action for most of the weekend.

Erik (Aquarian) from Mountain BodyWorks traded massages with all the feel good energy folks.

PMCLocals who made an appearance: Aquarian Sista Moutique, Marguerite, Ren, Devon, Bob & MIke, Peter & John, Lee & Stephanie, Stewart from Pinon Pines, Steve & Crissy from Cuddy, Bobbie & Joe, from the Bear Cafe. Maybe more, but the night has now become a big blur.

Sunday, today, we did a coupla small hikes around town. Now it's off to Marguerite's to see here plastering job & finish off the red velvet cake. Then over to Mike & Bob's for steak dinner.

Yeah! What a great group of friends. Life is indeed good.
Thanks to all who showed up & I am really looking forward to more gatherings.

Stay tuned for the photos.

Silence

Give me release
witness me
I am outside
give me peace

Heaven holds a sense of wonder
and I wanted to believe
that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides

Passion chokes the flower
'til she cries no more
possessing all the beauty
hungry still for more

Heaven holds a sense of wonder and I wanted to believe
that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides

I can't help this longing
comfort me
I can't hold it all in
if you won't let me

Heaven holds a sense of wonder and I wanted to believe
that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides

In this white wave
I am sinking
in this silence
in this white wave
in this silence
I believe x2

I have seen you
in this white wave
you are silent
you are breathing
in this white wave
I am free
I am free
I am free


lyrics by - sarah mclaughlin

What Lies Within

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Bless

Romans 12:14

Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.

Walking in My Shoes

I would tell you about the things
They put me through
The pain I’ve been subjected to
But the lord himself would blush
The countless feasts laid at my feet
Forbidden fruits for me to eat
But I think your pulse would start to rush

Now I’m not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

You’ll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
If you try walking in my shoes

Morality would frown upon
Decency look down upon
The scapegoat fate’s made of me
But I promise you, my judge and jurors
My intentions couldn’t have been purer
My case is easy to see

I’m not looking for a clearer conscience
Peace of mind after what I’ve been through
And before we talk of repentance
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes


lyrics by - Depeche Mode

Aquarius, part 1

AQUARIUS WOMAN: The most important thing for you to remember about Aquarius Woman is that "she knows!" After all, her motto is "I KNOW, therefore I AM." She's intellectual, independent, rebellious and a bit outrageous! She rules technology and electricity; therefore, she is a technology marvel even if she doesn't realize it yet. Aquarius Woman is usually drawn to careers that put her where there are crowds and masses of people because she rules the 11th house friends and organizations. You may also find her in careers that have to do with media or careers that utilize her technological gifts. She may even have her own website. Her sense of humor can literally roll you right off your chair. She's an inspiration to everyone around her. She sees joy in the gloomiest situations and some how makes it all seem fun. She sees the world as incredibly "beautiful" with her child-like eyes. She may use the word "serendipity" in her vocabulary as she also has the most inventive mind of the zodiac.

This is one gal who will not be caught up in social trends and fads. She's unconventional, a bit eccentric and not all that concerned about her appearance. She'll roll up her sleeves and get down to business and doesn't mind getting her hands dirty. When it comes to her daily job, she's committed to duty and regimented to her core. More than likely, she has a hobby that will keep her awake during the wee hours of the night. She's probably reading and filling her mind with more information. Don't be surprised if one day she gives up her steady paycheck to chase her passion . . cause she'll do it! She's likely attracted to a man who is overbearing, arrogant, outrageous and probably maniacal. She imagines this type of man lacks in Love and is full of himself; therefore, she is free to pursue her independent ways. Independence is her "air" and she has to have it! Even though her relationships may seem dispassionate, she is a perfect example of the "woman who Loved too much" and that goes for all her relationships. Aquarius Woman is not a bit clingy because she is the most freedom-Loving sign. Rarely do Aquarius Women marry or they marry later in Life, because they are so independent and unwilling to give up their personal freedoms. When you communicate with her, use logic first rather than emotional drama because her communication skills are more than just emotional jabber. Oh - all those men around her, if she says they are "just friends," believe her!

Awareness

I am aware that I am NOT most people. I do not think or act like the majority, nor do I want to. No television for 20+ yrs means I have lotsa time to work on myself, my education & my web biz. As a poor southern girl who has worked her ass off to get to where she is, I am very proud of my business & my life of accomplishments. I choose live my dreamy little life on my own conditions, under my own reality & creating a magnificent portal for all Californians to utilize for their valuable 'days off'.

Most of my many friends really appreciate me & what I stand for. Adventures, local travels, new connections, small towns, hidden destinations, mother nature, & online promotion, are all part of my daily life. I always welcome newness, change & freedom into my world. My friends & associates are vast, my knowledge growing & my skills improving.

Recently, however, I have discovered a few angry souls who despise me for what I am. They love to hate. They are negative misplaced fools who blame others for their miserable lives. These energy-suckers will ruin your day, if you but let them. They will pull you down to their level at whatever opportunity they can find. These are the folks who will pretend to be your friend, then talk vicious lies behind your back, due to their uncontrollable envy & greed. Yes, there are unhappy people nearby, affecting my new mountain paradise, that hate me with all the passion & purpose they can muster up.

My ultimate dream to work from home in a rural cabin community & grow my 10 yr old business to a total success, has turned into a living hell, all based on jealous paranoia of weird neighbors. The small town gossip drama has risen - with an ex-lover who cannot stop looking at me, can't stand seeing me & cannot stop talking about me. Adults acting like high school kids, brewing in their own negativity, their own problems, in a bitter downward spiral that only they created.

The weekly soap-opera has escalated now & I will make my voice heard for all who wish to listen. As the years unfold in Los Padres - lives will change, careers will be altered, & old opinions re-evaluated. This silly story should be entertaining at the very least.

Awareness, on all levels, means I now look far beyond the mundane petty bull shit of today, deep into the future. Aquarians are known to see farther than any other of the zodiac signs. The unforeseen, the unexplained, the unknowable, the uncertain future are all exciting new realms, not to be feared, but to embrace by each & every one of us. Enemies come in all shapes & sizes. Mean people do exist, even in the most beautiful alpine villages.

Who knows, maybe I can write a book on day, as I've never been one to back down from challenges or good story telling.

clean air

Well good, at least he's accounted for. I was beginning to wonder, I mean worry. Together again. Second, no, third time this week. This is the best I can hope for, right now.

Capable of showing passion & enthusiasm for just about anything, he is a rare talented breed of excellent stock. Born a lover, he knows how to play his women well with dining, music & lotsa lovable sex. Yes. I was a mere pawn in the grand scheme of his world. Animalistically attracted, like nothing I have ever felt in my decades of romancing, we played each other with caution & electrical sparks. What we shared was truly unique, although he now claims we had no special chemistry. Cast aside like a humbled beggar, my reality will never be the same.

He must be in good hands now with the nurturing touch he was longing for. I hope they teach each other well. This may be her last possible chance, ever again to mate. Let her have him. She's failed at so much in life, let her have this one glory, if only for a short while. She had to beg, borrow, cheat & steal to acquire her possession, while betraying our friendship, she used me. The betrayal is obvious. The reasons are clear. Greed, jealousy, envy.

Feel comforted that he is in a safe place, local & not wandering. What more can I ask for?

Hmmm. I can surely wait this one out. Perhaps at the cost of my sanity, but at least I live in a beautiful pine forest & breathe clean air.

Feisty

From the poor bayous of Louisiana, a feisty lil girl escaped to the higher elevations of California. Seeking a dream life, like so many who move out west, DanaMite moved to San Diego in 1984, after high school graduation. Landing so close to the water & examining the glistening downtown bay at night, I knew I had made the right choice. My father took me to a jazz bar & grill. That night is engraved in my head forever.

The Sum

the sum of the year
is precious my dear
for it holds the collection
of your own reflection

tis the only season
for my timely reason
sharing, caring & loving aloud
walking so tall & very proud

do not be a lazy jerk
the sum of your work
is measured with love
efforts, hardships, everything from above

Proverb

Proverbs 24:17

Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth.

Reclaiming Your Manhood

Sit down with your wife and say something like this: 'Honey, I've made a terrible mistake. I've given you my role. I gave up leading this family, and I forced you to take my place. Now, I must reclaim that role.'

Timothy

1 Timothy 2:11-13

A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or have authority over a man; she must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve.

Love (my) Life

How does a petite & fiesty brunette get a decent date in this cyber world?

105 lbs. Never married, no kids, self-made dream career, decent looking, in shape & a mountain home owner seems like more than decent qualifications. But all I've found up here is silly, dorky, stoned boys wanting me to drop what I am doing to service them. Or divorced toothless contractor alcoholics. Excuse me fellas! I am not your mother, nor your shrink, nor your cook, nor your girlfriend.

My love life is dismal (at best) & I am still seeking that one special man who will find me more than just intriguing. The one that will not be intimdated by a strong personality.

Drag Along

fresh starts, a new year
reconsider by your own ear

forget the past & move ahead
morbid curiosity never dead

working here with colors shown
earth passions, always alone

here I am near living fools
killing the day with little tools

be there, be square
be all, I hope to care

talk is cheap
lessons are long
thank you babe for singing that new song

reality is set
experiences are wrong
thanks so much for dragging me along

Welcome the Longer Days

As I beat down my ever growing ego & try to unravel my last few ounces of sense, I decide to relay my thoughts via this new venue. The last 3 years of my life has been a whirlwind of constant activity and growth. Emotionally, physically, financially, romantically, spiritually... in almost every aspect of my life, there has been massive changes and challenges. Dragging myself thru the dirt, choking on all my dust, I am here to celebrate.

I am welcoming in the new year with a fresh start; new energy, lotsa love and more discipline than ever before. Tone up them abs, eat better foods, continue my dream life (with more awareness): my first home & my growing dot com biz. More home improvements, more marketing, more content and photos, building a better web site - for everyone to enjoy.

My life currently consists of:
Joomla training (Content Management Software)
OSCommerce (New Storefront & Constant Updates)
Trek Mountain Bike (Recently Reconditioned)
Saabaru (2005, AWD, 30 mpg)
Household Paint Dark Purple (for my LaundryRoom)

Last year, I finally slowed down. Adulthood is right around the corner. I traveled less, worked more & lost 25 lbs.
My past year can be summed up with photos - http://totalescape.net/pix/2005/

The Sum

the sum of the year
is precious my dear
for it holds the collection
of your own reflection

tis the only season
for my timely reason
sharing, caring & loving aloud
walking so tall & very proud

do not be a lazy jerk
the sum of your work
is measured with love
efforts, hardships, everything from above

Hugs Everyone

He hugged me today. He was tall, firm & warm. Finally he touched me.

I am sure he was speaking to me, but I lost myself deep in his blue wells. They shown so bright, as he spoke & waved his arms about. Like mirrors to his soul, I see his every move. I had a hard time keeping my focus on the topics at hand, since I was amazed that he was even talking with me. I was mesmerized by his strength and boldness. Making stern points and demands, he was standing above me, gazing into my eyes with a smirk on his face. He was studying me, as I have done to him. Convincing me that he still does (not) care. It was hard to take him seriously, since he was telling me about his cool vehicle in one breath and scolding me with the other.

Thank goodness for small miracles!

(and the rest is history)

Dream of You

i've been here all the time
as far as i know doing right

i've always waited for the moment
that you would come through my door
but this brought loneliness so far

i lay my hand onto my heart
is this the life i want to live?
is this the dream i had of you?

the dream i had of you

now i'm standing here alone
waiting on my own
for something that will fill the emptiness
inside the moment that you mind

but this is loneliness i know
i lay my hand onto my soul
is this what life has got to give?
is this the dream i had of you?

the dream i had of you..


lyrics by - schiller mit heppner

Dry Lakebeds

This past holiday weekend was spent with my best friend, exploring the depths of Death Valley National Park. Sailing across a smooth dry lake bed with an all wheel drive vehicle was a blast. After a few donuts in the dirt, we hopped out for poser photos with the Saabaru.

Driving on hard mud puzzle piece chunks, a bit cushy & crunchy. Yeah! The white Surburban is leaving the deserted lake bed. Cool! Lemme start from way back here.

How fast can I go? Just like the commercials, I was eager to feel the car in action. How long is this stretch of dry lake bed? Can I reach 100 mph? Is that safe? What if I hit a rock? Where does the white stuff end? Are the vents closed?

Well, I only managed to reach 70 mph & that was fast enough. Then we headed over to the dunes. This is when I realized just how low my car is. Getting stuck? After a few close calls while doing turns at the base of the dunes ... sinking as I floored the excellerator & straightened the wheels to escape, we decided to call it a night & watch the mellow sunset near a creek.

bridges

Me - burning bridges? Which bridges are those?

The ones that link me to the darker side?
The bridge to hate, anger & betrayal. The bridge that sets me apart from you. Or the one that connects us all in so many ways. What bridge am I burning & why?
The bridge to you & your mean spirited friends. The bridge across the anger that flows from you so well. The gap between us is growing ever wider.

Your heart is filled with bitterness.
We do not know how to swim.

Merry Jane

It's a comfort zone, sadness.
Makes you look inside.

It's a mellow zone, madness.
Keeps me more alive.

Call it enlightenment,
Call it a buzz.
Addiction is clear,
Sent from above.

Heaven or hell, make it my own spell.
Creating my reality & knowing it well.

Give it your best.
Put your knees to the ground.
You'll get off this merry-go-round.

Make it enlightning, make it profound.
You may only get one go 'round.

Heaven or hell, with my hard sell.
Creating my mind & wearing it well.

Begin with Sin

the reasons that you hate
are unclear my dear
the past stories you debate
are hearsay my peer

the rumors created
the gossip elated
opinions made up
from false data
then mated

manipulations have gone awry
spawning it all, the vicious lie
unveiling hidden motives
no one will ever notice

except me

I gotta sleep with him
although it's brought thru sin
I will never ever begin to win
such an alluring soul like him

It's my only hope you see
to bring the truth to be
find the gem within
to forgive & then begin

It's my only hope you see
what more can I be

except me

Power of Lies

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes - Mark Twain

Show Me

You're a musician or maybe a poet, silly girl and you'll never know it.
If you only came up here to get yourself high, then you must be preaching some kinda lie.
Follow the lows as low as they go, find the answers where ever they show.
Come with me baby. I'll show you the day. Come on now baby, I'll lead you my way.

Live the Lie

What sorrow must she weep
To know my only creep.

What bitterness entails,
Above my lonely wales.

My words are poison to thy ears,
Creating now my deepest fears.

How vulnerable am I
To live such this silly lie.

Empty

Another year has past, leaving me empty & forsaken.
As I design my beautiful life to be, I wait for only thee.

Roam the Forest

In the forest I will roam, until I bring my lover home.
In the forest I will weep. Patiently his heart I keep.

In the loving eyes of blue,
What the hell became of you?

Distance has no effect, emotions high & still a wreck.

A Blast

Who hated me first, you or them?
Who lead who astray, easily willing to betray.

Who liked me once, who loved me more?
Now I can see me begging for more.

Whose love will last, forgetting the past
All I need is to have a blast!

The Bell

Can you ring the bell to my only hell?
Can you make me wait beyond predestined fate?

Will you make me better?
Or just let me learn to hate?

Blanket

Music is my sanctuary
Music is my blanket

Emotionless the city lies
Cruel it is, it clouds my eyes
The dull the dark shades on my day
I live inside this place

Locked up inside my metal cage
Always tense and filled with rage
Above the concrete fields below
With you i wanna go, wanna go

Music is my sanctuary
Music is my blanket

I see only what i wanna see
I'll be only what i wanna be
My blanket covers me, yes


lyrics by - Urban Species

Spreading

Spreading your seed, your art, your love - one woman at a time.

Love = Spirit

Love:
The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nuturing anothers' spritual growth.

Blaze

Take this energy & turn it into song
For eager souls wish to belong

Test the waters of your own emotions
Starting inside a little commotion

Within your heart & often your head
The pain & suffering are nearly dead.

Blaze me again, to really check in.
My reality, the hardest it's been.

Wasted Early Sunday

You're not the sun, It's just a light,
Waking early sunday morning,
You're not my church,
It's just the bells,
Ringing sweetly through the house,

And in this sense of mine,
You're not this prayer.
You're still in reach,
I please myself,
Wasting early sunday morning

You're not my lead,
You're just my help,
Talk the edge off sheer denial
And in this state of mine
You're what I want,
Nothing close to what I need
I breathe you in
Suit yourself, lose myself

Breaking early sunday morning
You're not the sun
You're not my church,
I still hold some self-control,
But in this sense of mine
I'm still too high, look no hands
I breathe you in


lyrics by - The Sneaker Pimps

All I Need

All I need is a little time,
To get behind this sun and cast my weight,
All I need is a peace of this mind,
Then I can celebrate.

All in all there's something to give,
All in all there's something to do,
All in all there's something to live,
With you ...

All I need is a little sign,
To get behind this sun and cast this weight of mine,
All I need is the place to find,
And there I'll celebrate.

All in all there's something to give



lyrics by - AIR

charming business

Regarding these accusations, I stand by my actions. I guess there are two sides to every story. I will say, I am very sorry I got romantically involved with you, as we should have known better. In the emptiness after her and I split, you were such a powerful woman, I couldn’t resist your charms. Mostly it was your sharp mind, sexuality and business savvy.

a bad idea

Actually, please do not send me her address. I would have liked to exchange letters with her and see why she's still in tears over our relationship, but after the morning's walk, I now think it's a bad idea.

filled with hate

But 'tis not me that's filled with hate, only firm resolution to keep my boundaries clear.

unfounded

Are you saying you refuse to tell me why you won't leave me alone to live my life?
Are you looking for justice? Do want to be in court about something? What are you looking for?

I have reviewed our history and found that it takes two to tango, there were good and bad things about it. Many of your accusations are unfounded. What can I do to end this and have you release me?

Your Way

Go on and have your life.
I will assume you will do me that honor, at least.

opinions

My opinion and situation about you and your business has indeed changed, unfortunately, much for the worse. It also appears many of my words have been edited or re-written in the article, twisting the meaning, yet revealing your hidden motives.

healthier

Thank you for the friendship we have shared in the past.

I hope you are able to come to terms with your inappropriate conduct and move on to a healthier state of being.

boundaries

We live in a small community, making it even more important that we respect each others boundaries - I am asking you to please respect mine.

pain to me

You have also been spreading gossip, causing pain to me and others. Please refrain from making what you imagine is going on in my private life a topic of your discussions.

disturbed

I am not comfortable with continuing our friendship.
I am deeply disturbed...

Kingdom

Let it go and you will be accepted into the kingdom of happiness.

careful

Aquarius: More than likely you have an opinion about everything, dear Aquarius, and it is also quite likely that you have a solution to everything as well. Today's events are likely to put you to the test. How well can you stand up to the tension that is likely to ensue when two extremely powerful and explosive forces butt heads square on? You can do it, but be extra careful regarding whom you cross today.

Time will Heal

Yes, I am good in many ways for you, yes, we had wonderful times together, yes, we share some interests. But, our goals, lifestyles, and ideas of how to live are different. I respect you for what you are doing with your life, you respect me for my work and lifestyle, together we can respect each other, recognize the immense forces that are each of our personalities, and let them be separate. Time will heal all, have faith!

strong women?

I know it’s really hard to budget in money for therapy – but I feel it’s been one of my best investments in myself. And you girl: hang in there, I can feel you are in a really rough place right now, but if I can pull up and not crash and burn I know you can too – we are strong strong women!

sleazy

It must have been that shifty sleazy younger dude at the dump. I was quite surprised to have him come right up to me like he knows me. He seemed to me like some sort of homeless guy, bragging to me about how he was "squatting" down in Santa Monica for a while before coming up here. If you do hang with him, please do not tell him anything about me or what I do, and be CAREFUL! Take care and respect yourself. There are a lot of dangerous characters up here.

Bomb

Wanted to buy you shiny red things
Thought I'd be with you till the end
How did I know that I would be there
Blow me away
See if I...(care)

Death of a future
Goodbye to my friends
Wish I could see you all again
Family hollow
Family real
Wish you were here
See how I feel

I'll kill a man
I'll kill a girl
I'll kill a man
I'll kill a girl

Jekyll in you
Brings out the wired in me
I have no defense
I'm all that you see
The night is a bomb blast
The night is on fire
Sing with me in the gasoline choir

And you say you want to change our minds
I've paid for your belief with mine
Of all the bravest stands in time
You stoop so low you'll never rise


lyrics by --- Bush

Army of Me

stand up
you've got to manage
i won't sympathize
anymore

and if you complain once more
you'll meet an army of me

you're allright
there's nothing wrong
self-sufficience please!
and get to work

and if you complain once more
you'll meet an army of me

you're on your own now
we won't save you
your rescue-squad
is too exhausted

and if you complain once more
you'll meet an army of me



lyrics by ---- Bjork

cappuccino

Thanks for the jelly beans. I enjoyed the cappuccino flavored one while I stood at the counter. I was just teasing you about the poisoning. The tension in the room was thick with you & me...

Strange Little Girl

one day you see a strange little girl look at you
one day you see a strange little girl feeling blue
she'd run to the town one day
leaving home and the country fair
just beware
when you're there

strange little girl
she didn't know how to live in a town that was rough
it didn't take long before she knew she had enough
walking home in her wrapped up world
she survived but she's feeling old
and she found all things cold

strange little girl
where are you going?
strange little girl
where are you going?
do you know where you could be going?
walking home in her wrapped up world
she survived but she's feeling old
cuz she found all things cold

strange little girl
where are you going?
do you know where you could be going?


lyrics by --- Tori Amos

Benevolent

Penguins: the force of benevolent spirits interacting in our human realm

Uriel

The Fire of God - is an ambassador of the Sun, and the angel who warned Noah of the flood. The flame represents the light of knowledge as passed to humanity.

Wimp

Things ARE working in your favor. You don't think so right now, but believe me, you don't want me for the long term. You'll be better off with a real adventurer, not some camping wimp like me who is obsessed with his art.

true in my own way

I do know that I won't be giving up what I've achieved here for myself so easily... Won't be handing it over to some pitiful wallflower woman to take over. I am finally becoming happy with myself and who I am, as weird as that may be to everyone else. I don't care. My work stands on its own and those who know me, know I am true in my own way, not measured by some external standard. I will not be cowed.

Distant Fires

I am happy that my friendship has brought you to this place, we were obviously meant to meet at the PMC Crossroads. You changed my life, I changed yours. We are even. Where life will take us from here I do not know, it may be separate, it may be separate but equal, it may be distant but as a long term friendship. I don't quite imagine we'd be that great together for
long term. In the states that we both are now, we are too delicate and too wacky to commit, and our future lifestyles are gonna be quite different, but yet the same in our own "nature quality" way. But what fire! Fire in the wild roads and the soft sheets. You know how special you are to me.

horrific summer

What a horrific summer, and I am sorry that you had to be pulled through it. Although, I am glad I was here with you so we could experience our own salvation together.

fire & water

I love being with you, and I just know we are supposed to be as close as we are, it feels soo right. I enjoyed all the great conversation we had yesterday, and of course, the magic of connecting with you in "the fun way" too. Luckily, no fires. This time the theme was water.

do what you must

Sweet Dreams oh innocent angel
raise your heart tonight
rest your head and open your soul
you have made it to the promised land

Yes, you're here.
Cement your place
do what you must
but sweet dreams now.

Fiery!

I relish in playing in your heart, loving you here and there, making you laugh and smile, and frown... I'm sorry, I lose myself in you and in our lives together. We are like atoms that bounce into and off of each other like clockwork.

Fiery! That's for sure.

Sex is God

Sex is a way to see or experience God, joining together two people to form a holy union of complimentary opposites, transformed into the force of love, which essentially, IS God. That's why they used to say "God is Love". Amazing and beautiful, as we both already know!

Our relationship is so addictive that when I do see you, I can't stand not to see you more and more. Alas, it takes energy away from my work. So I am trying to keep some healthy distance, which for me, right now, is quite far.

Not to mention your feelings! When we get heavily involved, you also get wrapped up in it just as I do, and I have no wish to hurt you by not being 100% there or committed for our relationship. You have told me yourself that you didn't want that.

I do so love spending time with you Dana, you know that. YUM!

consistently

Remember what you can control and what you can't. Work consistently on the things you can control and let the rest go.

Creampuff

Vanilla Jesus Banana Cream Pie Car ---
wow that's quite a mouth full.
Just like you are!!

write to me

I appreciate you calling me
To let me know you care
Thinking of you is now
My favorite past time dear

I am missing you, terribly
Craving touch & sweet songs
Soon, on a warm summers night
we'll hold each other long

My weak body is tired
Exhaustion is the norm
Traveling to lands afar
Before I see the storm

I dream of you often
Calling out your name
Tears flow from depths within
Where they know no shame

Please honey, write to me
Let me hear your true voice
Both of us working this hard
Surely, we soon will rejoice

freely?

Thanks so much! I know you can live your dreams, and if I am a part of them it will be as it will, and I will be blessed for it.
Neither would I ask you to compromise your own goals, I figure if each are complimentary, then that's a wonderful thing. The love I give you is given freely and openly as you are to me.

You are worth it, and you should have that more often. I am so glad you and I are together these days and are working on our stuff. I feel that I am at the same place you are with goals, and we are both standing at the door, knocking, waiting for it to be opened.

Ask and we shall receive! We are definitely here for a reason, and that reason is that we have created this for ourselves to enjoy!

Summertime

I am starting to think that Summertime is the time of change and fast paced activity, almost a re-alignment of myself in preparation for the winter. Things are moving so fast now I can hardly stand it... but God told me last night that if I wanted my life to run this way, all I have to do is believe and it will be....... so I am believing.

need a lot

Pine Mountain Club, a place of transition. We are both growing and spreading our wings, in a beautiful way, finding out that we can fly after all! I want you to be happy and find your way. The nice thing about living in the mountains is that things don't change too quick, we have time to work.

I need a lot of work.

visionary work

I am also here by Divine Plan, doing God's work of spreading the light of truth, through my art, and sharing his joy with those around me. I live for these pleasures.

You are doing great work, important, visionary work vital to the progress of the human race. I admire your work.

saga continues

I miss you, hope you are well. I'm in pieces really, not getting much done, just sad and desperate for this to finish, trying to put a good face on it and push on through, with strength. Almost to the next level, but it's still going to be tight.

enlightenment

Enlightenment... that I can provide.

Vampiress

And you sucked me in, you vampiress!

as little work possible

I'll remember that there's a log home out there, but we need space for now while we both build our businesses, and I go out
into the rest of the world, maybe find a mother. And don't you think I'm always going to be broke - I think you were just trying to push my buttons implying that. All the products and art I am working on, you're gonna be envious when you see where this is going. It's going to be maximized for profit with as little work possible.

Asking for It

You'd been cooped up in there for too long, Ms. Mite, and you were bound to blow at some time. You needed love, and I loved you. You gave it right back. Are we to be blamed for that? No. I will not feel guilty for falling in love. These accusations are groundless, not you. Sorry for being attracted, but I didn't see you complaining. In fact, you kissed me first. You ASKED for it.

Well, you got it.

About a year ago

About a year ago
I had a vision of sage, sunlight & you
Seriously wondering what to do

About a year ago here
I let go, to start being me, finally
Walls crumbling down, so so gently

About a year ago here in
lies the peace & rest we needed so much
Natural forces connected, we reach out to touch

About a year ago here in my
eyes staring hard, you saw me deep inside
Hands extend beyond your will, we collide

About a year ago here in my new
home in nature, home, home at last
Welcoming arms embraced, forget the past

About a year ago here in my new home
I counted my blessings & fortunes built
Never found a love as good as yours to tilt

About a year ago here in my new home
I prayed of truth, seeking love, I surrendered so
you were my life, the imaginations let go

About a year ago here in my new home I
held you in my arms, pulling you closer in to me
Fully trusting that your heart was true, completely

About a year ago,
I allowed myself faith & courage, hopeful vents
to try one last time, for this one was different

About a year ago, I musta been dreaming
in my new mountain home, silent & alone
now I wonder why it has come to this bone

About a lifetime before this one,
You held my soul, only to release it into the sky,
when you got to know me & realized I could fly

About a decade of truth is all it takes,
Now the real pain begins, the loneliness sets in
cuz your no longer by my side

No use in remembering
the magical times we shared, besides
they only bring on the fear I try so hard to hide

About a year ago,
About a year ago,
About a year ago,
Wish you woulda thought this all thru

Next time,
stop, before you act
a lil bit of forethought is all it takes,
when there is another & so much at stake

arcs of passion

I totally see where you are coming from. I am glad we have some communication. Please don't worry too much about it. We go around this block once every month, it's not new to me. I get close, you get close, we get closer, and then one of us starts to push the other away, and then we blow up in a violent compromise.

Eventually, so far, we can't help but come back. It's getting old though, and I don't really care to think about it anymore, and neither do you. The truth is that we are probably pretty darn incompatible in some hellacious ways. It's not that we aren't great friends, and greater lovers, but our lifestyles and dominating visionary natures are almost too big for each other. I am magnetized to you because you are a great woman, a massive force, a proud being striding through this universe making a mark. Your mark, one of adventure, empowerment, and joy.

You're probably attracted to me for being strong in a intellectual and spiritual manner, but also nurturing and steady which balances your adventurous and "girlie" desires. And we're both such *fucking awesome* lovers; the room flashes with the sparking arcs of passion climbing the walls and ceiling above us. I get hard just writing about the sex we have... And in so many ways I am tempted by you. You almost get me thinking we could be forever together, and then it all blows apart.

swim

I'll teach to you swim if you want, I'm a good swimmer.

lofty highs

I know I don't need to tell you how great I think you are, you know that from my constant attraction and attention, but the dynamic that we share is very violent, manic depressive, hot/cold.

It's not just you. I'm seriously addicted to the lofty highs of our time together. It's unhealthy though, as unfortunately the downs are way, way down.

Laugh @ Me

Not a place where we make snide comments about each other, running each other down to make ourselves feel more in control. Not a place where we laugh AT each other, like I have had you do so many times to me. You laugh AT ME. You hear that? That's what you do. You make fun of and laugh at me. Not with me.

high sierra bliss

Dreaming of another mountain paradise already?

search engine

OK, I give up!! I need your help with my search engine results. Over and over I am convinced that's the way to get more traffic, but seem to have some mental block about how it works. How do I get your help? I'll be your best friend!

Clyde

Baby doll, where you goin'?
So much to do, so much to see
Baby doll, why you leavin'?
Come upstairs and get high with me
The time iz nigh, for us to fly
Take you where there's no sorry
Time iz right and time iz invisible
If you'll come with me

Shot dead, by you again
You're gettin' closer, girl
I'm sensing the end
One more inch, just to the right
You got me hangin', girl
Be back tomorrow night to getcha
I smell a sweet fragrance about you
And i know that you want it too
So if i, i trip and lay one heavy on ya
Please forgive me

You're makin' me want it so
What i feel inside, I can't deny
my love

You know just where I live
I cannot slip you, girl
It's useless, I know
Nobody ever touched me before like you did
But you won't do it again, no more
The light upon your face
Iz takin me, girl
To another time and place
I want to see you so high, little girl
I can't leave you alone
Baby doll, where you goin'?
So much to do, so much to see
Baby doll, why you leavin'?
Come upstairs and get high with me
The time iz nigh, for us to fly
Take you where there's no sorry
Time iz right and time iz invisible
If you'll come with me

Shot dead, by you again
You're gettin' closer, girl
I'm sensing the end
One more inch, just to the right
You got me hangin', girl
Be back tomorrow night to getcha
I smell a sweet fragrance about you
And i know that you want it too
So if i, i trip and lay one heavy on ya
Please forgive me

You're makin' me want it so
What i feel inside, I can't deny
my love

You know just where I live
I cannot slip you, girl
It's useless, I know
Nobody ever touched me before like you did
But you won't do it again, no more
The light upon your face
Iz takin me, girl
To another time and place
I want to see you so high, little girl
I can't leave you alone


lyrics by - The Twilight Singers

thrilled

Can I come by and show you my new set up in the back of the Amigo? I am thrilled with it, and will stop by to share.

Glad your foot is healing. I think I am healing too, but only time will tell right now.

Power of Slow

Yes, I think slow is the key. I was reading "The Power of Now"
last night, and kept thinking about you and how you would really
love this book. Here's an excerpt:

"through the "isness" of all things a deeper dimension reveals
itself to you, and unchanging deep stillness, an uncaused joy
between good and bad. This is the joy of being, the peace of
God."

It's an essay in the beginning that goes into a book of questions
about the topics, addressing a lot of tough situations that might
arise and make it difficult to accept life for what it is.

Anyhow, I'm finding it very revealing, and would love to share it
with you.

obsessive

The boys came by last night, and we had an evening filled with negative energy, gossip, and obsessive talk about sex.

written carefully

I was thinking... words sometimes mean so little when not written carefully.

I said earlier that my business is the most important thing to me, but it's not just that, it actually is "ME". My art, I am so tied up into it emotionally that it's impossible to separate.

I believe myself to be a man who measures himself by what he has achieved that has a personal value. If I fail on this new venture, which is the most noble venture I am able to perform, it will really take a huge chunk out of my soul. I NEED to believe that this will work and I need to spread truth, knowledge, joy, and happiness through my art. It's what I must do.

If not, I will leave, to live with nature, and will no longer function as part of society. This is how deep my passion and determination goes. If I can not give something back to the chaos that we live in, help people have some joy and find their truth, and perhaps a way out of there, I don't want to have any part of it.

Each time the business goes south, I feel powerless, and am really unhappy until something turns around. That special something. I have been looking for it for ages, it's called our own personal happiness, each person's solution is as individual as their life history.

much, much better

Very nice to get back to the happy place between us. Let's pray we can keep life running smooth for a little while.

I know I am a stress case right now, and I acknowledge everything you said yesterday about my moods and how related they are to my business success. Yes, it's true, because my business is the most important thing in my life, until that fateful day soon when debts are lowered, sites are built, and there's a small income coming off the top reliably.

After I reduce my costs, I should be much, much better. But, it's killing me right now, from the inside out, I should have expected it. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I am just riding my way out of it.

Love is the Drug

Stitched up tight, can't shake free
Love is the drug, got a hook on me
Oh oh catch that buzz
Love is the drug I'm thinking of
Oh oh can't you see
Love is the drug for me

thank you for stopping by tonight to clarify our relationship once more.
I love discussing these important matters with you. I am growing closer to you like never before, but I must learn ‘constraint’.

invigorated

Nice to see you, woman. I felt invigorated after seeing you, and spending time opening up again.

Justify

Thanks for the hug. You know, to be honest, I am not too interested in discussing those emails much. What is there to say? Are you going to defend yourself against what I have said? Justify yourself?

What was in those emails was said because it was in my heart, and that's how our relationship made me feel. I don't want to feel those things. I am sorry if that hurt you. I have come to think that the way you like to communicate is bluntly and openly, rather than delicately, and intuitively, so I am giving that a try.

And.. I'm just not sure I want to be involved in any emotional situations with you right now, I do not have the willpower to fight the emotions that drive me towards you. If you want to send me a letter, please do, though, I will read it well, with pleasure.

do what I want you to

Yes, I know I'm not perfect, and a lot of trouble. Especially when you don't do what I want you to. Sorry about that.

I look forward to reading your thoughts you've saved for me. I still care about you, I am sure you know. The type of communication we have right now is what we need to continue to have. I would love to have a chat in person and get a hug too. Perhaps later this evening, I have a few things I need to take care of first. I'll meet you at your balcony, perhaps.

only acting to protect

Yes, I know, you're right, and we are explosive together. I react badly to your outspoken ways, because of my quiet, repressed upbringing. I know you are a beautiful woman inside and out, and would never have been your close friend if you weren't. I still love you.

But, get back to work, I'll talk to you some day in the future about all this. Right now, I'm just working and trying to protect what we have. Sorry to get you involved in the small minded pettiness of the social scene up here, I am only acting to protect our lives.

sociopathic

I'll be having another conversation with him immediately regardless of date or time. On that occasion, I will cite to him each instance I know when he's lied, including the story of first day I met him and I will inform him if I hear another word, I will expose him for the meddlesome, sociopathic liar that he is.

Then, if I do hear of any further trouble from him, he can talk to my lawyer, and I will be happily taking some of that money that he's always talking about... in exchange for the defamation of my character in the community, invasion of my privacy, and meddling in other people's lives. And if he thinks I don't also have friends in high places, he's going to be in for a surprise.

Paradise Lost

Let's have paradise back, instead of how I feel, which is Paradise Lost.

You and I are another issue, let's just say we have lots of issues to work out that I or you have no time for. I can't let them go though, as it just doesn't work for me, so I need to let you go farther away instead. I know you will enjoy the work time, and so will I. It's time to re-focus.

urge

I want you to know you are the only woman I've ever actually felt the urge to physically beat up.