sleazy

It must have been that shifty sleazy younger dude at the dump. I was quite surprised to have him come right up to me like he knows me. He seemed to me like some sort of homeless guy, bragging to me about how he was "squatting" down in Santa Monica for a while before coming up here. If you do hang with him, please do not tell him anything about me or what I do, and be CAREFUL! Take care and respect yourself. There are a lot of dangerous characters up here.

Bomb

Wanted to buy you shiny red things
Thought I'd be with you till the end
How did I know that I would be there
Blow me away
See if I...(care)

Death of a future
Goodbye to my friends
Wish I could see you all again
Family hollow
Family real
Wish you were here
See how I feel

I'll kill a man
I'll kill a girl
I'll kill a man
I'll kill a girl

Jekyll in you
Brings out the wired in me
I have no defense
I'm all that you see
The night is a bomb blast
The night is on fire
Sing with me in the gasoline choir

And you say you want to change our minds
I've paid for your belief with mine
Of all the bravest stands in time
You stoop so low you'll never rise


lyrics by --- Bush

Army of Me

stand up
you've got to manage
i won't sympathize
anymore

and if you complain once more
you'll meet an army of me

you're allright
there's nothing wrong
self-sufficience please!
and get to work

and if you complain once more
you'll meet an army of me

you're on your own now
we won't save you
your rescue-squad
is too exhausted

and if you complain once more
you'll meet an army of me



lyrics by ---- Bjork

cappuccino

Thanks for the jelly beans. I enjoyed the cappuccino flavored one while I stood at the counter. I was just teasing you about the poisoning. The tension in the room was thick with you & me...

Strange Little Girl

one day you see a strange little girl look at you
one day you see a strange little girl feeling blue
she'd run to the town one day
leaving home and the country fair
just beware
when you're there

strange little girl
she didn't know how to live in a town that was rough
it didn't take long before she knew she had enough
walking home in her wrapped up world
she survived but she's feeling old
and she found all things cold

strange little girl
where are you going?
strange little girl
where are you going?
do you know where you could be going?
walking home in her wrapped up world
she survived but she's feeling old
cuz she found all things cold

strange little girl
where are you going?
do you know where you could be going?


lyrics by --- Tori Amos

Benevolent

Penguins: the force of benevolent spirits interacting in our human realm

Uriel

The Fire of God - is an ambassador of the Sun, and the angel who warned Noah of the flood. The flame represents the light of knowledge as passed to humanity.

Wimp

Things ARE working in your favor. You don't think so right now, but believe me, you don't want me for the long term. You'll be better off with a real adventurer, not some camping wimp like me who is obsessed with his art.

true in my own way

I do know that I won't be giving up what I've achieved here for myself so easily... Won't be handing it over to some pitiful wallflower woman to take over. I am finally becoming happy with myself and who I am, as weird as that may be to everyone else. I don't care. My work stands on its own and those who know me, know I am true in my own way, not measured by some external standard. I will not be cowed.

Distant Fires

I am happy that my friendship has brought you to this place, we were obviously meant to meet at the PMC Crossroads. You changed my life, I changed yours. We are even. Where life will take us from here I do not know, it may be separate, it may be separate but equal, it may be distant but as a long term friendship. I don't quite imagine we'd be that great together for
long term. In the states that we both are now, we are too delicate and too wacky to commit, and our future lifestyles are gonna be quite different, but yet the same in our own "nature quality" way. But what fire! Fire in the wild roads and the soft sheets. You know how special you are to me.

horrific summer

What a horrific summer, and I am sorry that you had to be pulled through it. Although, I am glad I was here with you so we could experience our own salvation together.

fire & water

I love being with you, and I just know we are supposed to be as close as we are, it feels soo right. I enjoyed all the great conversation we had yesterday, and of course, the magic of connecting with you in "the fun way" too. Luckily, no fires. This time the theme was water.

do what you must

Sweet Dreams oh innocent angel
raise your heart tonight
rest your head and open your soul
you have made it to the promised land

Yes, you're here.
Cement your place
do what you must
but sweet dreams now.

Fiery!

I relish in playing in your heart, loving you here and there, making you laugh and smile, and frown... I'm sorry, I lose myself in you and in our lives together. We are like atoms that bounce into and off of each other like clockwork.

Fiery! That's for sure.

Sex is God

Sex is a way to see or experience God, joining together two people to form a holy union of complimentary opposites, transformed into the force of love, which essentially, IS God. That's why they used to say "God is Love". Amazing and beautiful, as we both already know!

Our relationship is so addictive that when I do see you, I can't stand not to see you more and more. Alas, it takes energy away from my work. So I am trying to keep some healthy distance, which for me, right now, is quite far.

Not to mention your feelings! When we get heavily involved, you also get wrapped up in it just as I do, and I have no wish to hurt you by not being 100% there or committed for our relationship. You have told me yourself that you didn't want that.

I do so love spending time with you Dana, you know that. YUM!

consistently

Remember what you can control and what you can't. Work consistently on the things you can control and let the rest go.

Creampuff

Vanilla Jesus Banana Cream Pie Car ---
wow that's quite a mouth full.
Just like you are!!

write to me

I appreciate you calling me
To let me know you care
Thinking of you is now
My favorite past time dear

I am missing you, terribly
Craving touch & sweet songs
Soon, on a warm summers night
we'll hold each other long

My weak body is tired
Exhaustion is the norm
Traveling to lands afar
Before I see the storm

I dream of you often
Calling out your name
Tears flow from depths within
Where they know no shame

Please honey, write to me
Let me hear your true voice
Both of us working this hard
Surely, we soon will rejoice

freely?

Thanks so much! I know you can live your dreams, and if I am a part of them it will be as it will, and I will be blessed for it.
Neither would I ask you to compromise your own goals, I figure if each are complimentary, then that's a wonderful thing. The love I give you is given freely and openly as you are to me.

You are worth it, and you should have that more often. I am so glad you and I are together these days and are working on our stuff. I feel that I am at the same place you are with goals, and we are both standing at the door, knocking, waiting for it to be opened.

Ask and we shall receive! We are definitely here for a reason, and that reason is that we have created this for ourselves to enjoy!

Summertime

I am starting to think that Summertime is the time of change and fast paced activity, almost a re-alignment of myself in preparation for the winter. Things are moving so fast now I can hardly stand it... but God told me last night that if I wanted my life to run this way, all I have to do is believe and it will be....... so I am believing.

need a lot

Pine Mountain Club, a place of transition. We are both growing and spreading our wings, in a beautiful way, finding out that we can fly after all! I want you to be happy and find your way. The nice thing about living in the mountains is that things don't change too quick, we have time to work.

I need a lot of work.

visionary work

I am also here by Divine Plan, doing God's work of spreading the light of truth, through my art, and sharing his joy with those around me. I live for these pleasures.

You are doing great work, important, visionary work vital to the progress of the human race. I admire your work.

saga continues

I miss you, hope you are well. I'm in pieces really, not getting much done, just sad and desperate for this to finish, trying to put a good face on it and push on through, with strength. Almost to the next level, but it's still going to be tight.

enlightenment

Enlightenment... that I can provide.

Vampiress

And you sucked me in, you vampiress!

as little work possible

I'll remember that there's a log home out there, but we need space for now while we both build our businesses, and I go out
into the rest of the world, maybe find a mother. And don't you think I'm always going to be broke - I think you were just trying to push my buttons implying that. All the products and art I am working on, you're gonna be envious when you see where this is going. It's going to be maximized for profit with as little work possible.

Asking for It

You'd been cooped up in there for too long, Ms. Mite, and you were bound to blow at some time. You needed love, and I loved you. You gave it right back. Are we to be blamed for that? No. I will not feel guilty for falling in love. These accusations are groundless, not you. Sorry for being attracted, but I didn't see you complaining. In fact, you kissed me first. You ASKED for it.

Well, you got it.

About a year ago

About a year ago
I had a vision of sage, sunlight & you
Seriously wondering what to do

About a year ago here
I let go, to start being me, finally
Walls crumbling down, so so gently

About a year ago here in
lies the peace & rest we needed so much
Natural forces connected, we reach out to touch

About a year ago here in my
eyes staring hard, you saw me deep inside
Hands extend beyond your will, we collide

About a year ago here in my new
home in nature, home, home at last
Welcoming arms embraced, forget the past

About a year ago here in my new home
I counted my blessings & fortunes built
Never found a love as good as yours to tilt

About a year ago here in my new home
I prayed of truth, seeking love, I surrendered so
you were my life, the imaginations let go

About a year ago here in my new home I
held you in my arms, pulling you closer in to me
Fully trusting that your heart was true, completely

About a year ago,
I allowed myself faith & courage, hopeful vents
to try one last time, for this one was different

About a year ago, I musta been dreaming
in my new mountain home, silent & alone
now I wonder why it has come to this bone

About a lifetime before this one,
You held my soul, only to release it into the sky,
when you got to know me & realized I could fly

About a decade of truth is all it takes,
Now the real pain begins, the loneliness sets in
cuz your no longer by my side

No use in remembering
the magical times we shared, besides
they only bring on the fear I try so hard to hide

About a year ago,
About a year ago,
About a year ago,
Wish you woulda thought this all thru

Next time,
stop, before you act
a lil bit of forethought is all it takes,
when there is another & so much at stake

arcs of passion

I totally see where you are coming from. I am glad we have some communication. Please don't worry too much about it. We go around this block once every month, it's not new to me. I get close, you get close, we get closer, and then one of us starts to push the other away, and then we blow up in a violent compromise.

Eventually, so far, we can't help but come back. It's getting old though, and I don't really care to think about it anymore, and neither do you. The truth is that we are probably pretty darn incompatible in some hellacious ways. It's not that we aren't great friends, and greater lovers, but our lifestyles and dominating visionary natures are almost too big for each other. I am magnetized to you because you are a great woman, a massive force, a proud being striding through this universe making a mark. Your mark, one of adventure, empowerment, and joy.

You're probably attracted to me for being strong in a intellectual and spiritual manner, but also nurturing and steady which balances your adventurous and "girlie" desires. And we're both such *fucking awesome* lovers; the room flashes with the sparking arcs of passion climbing the walls and ceiling above us. I get hard just writing about the sex we have... And in so many ways I am tempted by you. You almost get me thinking we could be forever together, and then it all blows apart.

swim

I'll teach to you swim if you want, I'm a good swimmer.

lofty highs

I know I don't need to tell you how great I think you are, you know that from my constant attraction and attention, but the dynamic that we share is very violent, manic depressive, hot/cold.

It's not just you. I'm seriously addicted to the lofty highs of our time together. It's unhealthy though, as unfortunately the downs are way, way down.

Laugh @ Me

Not a place where we make snide comments about each other, running each other down to make ourselves feel more in control. Not a place where we laugh AT each other, like I have had you do so many times to me. You laugh AT ME. You hear that? That's what you do. You make fun of and laugh at me. Not with me.

high sierra bliss

Dreaming of another mountain paradise already?

search engine

OK, I give up!! I need your help with my search engine results. Over and over I am convinced that's the way to get more traffic, but seem to have some mental block about how it works. How do I get your help? I'll be your best friend!

Clyde

Baby doll, where you goin'?
So much to do, so much to see
Baby doll, why you leavin'?
Come upstairs and get high with me
The time iz nigh, for us to fly
Take you where there's no sorry
Time iz right and time iz invisible
If you'll come with me

Shot dead, by you again
You're gettin' closer, girl
I'm sensing the end
One more inch, just to the right
You got me hangin', girl
Be back tomorrow night to getcha
I smell a sweet fragrance about you
And i know that you want it too
So if i, i trip and lay one heavy on ya
Please forgive me

You're makin' me want it so
What i feel inside, I can't deny
my love

You know just where I live
I cannot slip you, girl
It's useless, I know
Nobody ever touched me before like you did
But you won't do it again, no more
The light upon your face
Iz takin me, girl
To another time and place
I want to see you so high, little girl
I can't leave you alone
Baby doll, where you goin'?
So much to do, so much to see
Baby doll, why you leavin'?
Come upstairs and get high with me
The time iz nigh, for us to fly
Take you where there's no sorry
Time iz right and time iz invisible
If you'll come with me

Shot dead, by you again
You're gettin' closer, girl
I'm sensing the end
One more inch, just to the right
You got me hangin', girl
Be back tomorrow night to getcha
I smell a sweet fragrance about you
And i know that you want it too
So if i, i trip and lay one heavy on ya
Please forgive me

You're makin' me want it so
What i feel inside, I can't deny
my love

You know just where I live
I cannot slip you, girl
It's useless, I know
Nobody ever touched me before like you did
But you won't do it again, no more
The light upon your face
Iz takin me, girl
To another time and place
I want to see you so high, little girl
I can't leave you alone


lyrics by - The Twilight Singers

thrilled

Can I come by and show you my new set up in the back of the Amigo? I am thrilled with it, and will stop by to share.

Glad your foot is healing. I think I am healing too, but only time will tell right now.

Power of Slow

Yes, I think slow is the key. I was reading "The Power of Now"
last night, and kept thinking about you and how you would really
love this book. Here's an excerpt:

"through the "isness" of all things a deeper dimension reveals
itself to you, and unchanging deep stillness, an uncaused joy
between good and bad. This is the joy of being, the peace of
God."

It's an essay in the beginning that goes into a book of questions
about the topics, addressing a lot of tough situations that might
arise and make it difficult to accept life for what it is.

Anyhow, I'm finding it very revealing, and would love to share it
with you.

obsessive

The boys came by last night, and we had an evening filled with negative energy, gossip, and obsessive talk about sex.

written carefully

I was thinking... words sometimes mean so little when not written carefully.

I said earlier that my business is the most important thing to me, but it's not just that, it actually is "ME". My art, I am so tied up into it emotionally that it's impossible to separate.

I believe myself to be a man who measures himself by what he has achieved that has a personal value. If I fail on this new venture, which is the most noble venture I am able to perform, it will really take a huge chunk out of my soul. I NEED to believe that this will work and I need to spread truth, knowledge, joy, and happiness through my art. It's what I must do.

If not, I will leave, to live with nature, and will no longer function as part of society. This is how deep my passion and determination goes. If I can not give something back to the chaos that we live in, help people have some joy and find their truth, and perhaps a way out of there, I don't want to have any part of it.

Each time the business goes south, I feel powerless, and am really unhappy until something turns around. That special something. I have been looking for it for ages, it's called our own personal happiness, each person's solution is as individual as their life history.

much, much better

Very nice to get back to the happy place between us. Let's pray we can keep life running smooth for a little while.

I know I am a stress case right now, and I acknowledge everything you said yesterday about my moods and how related they are to my business success. Yes, it's true, because my business is the most important thing in my life, until that fateful day soon when debts are lowered, sites are built, and there's a small income coming off the top reliably.

After I reduce my costs, I should be much, much better. But, it's killing me right now, from the inside out, I should have expected it. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I am just riding my way out of it.

Love is the Drug

Stitched up tight, can't shake free
Love is the drug, got a hook on me
Oh oh catch that buzz
Love is the drug I'm thinking of
Oh oh can't you see
Love is the drug for me

thank you for stopping by tonight to clarify our relationship once more.
I love discussing these important matters with you. I am growing closer to you like never before, but I must learn ‘constraint’.

invigorated

Nice to see you, woman. I felt invigorated after seeing you, and spending time opening up again.

Justify

Thanks for the hug. You know, to be honest, I am not too interested in discussing those emails much. What is there to say? Are you going to defend yourself against what I have said? Justify yourself?

What was in those emails was said because it was in my heart, and that's how our relationship made me feel. I don't want to feel those things. I am sorry if that hurt you. I have come to think that the way you like to communicate is bluntly and openly, rather than delicately, and intuitively, so I am giving that a try.

And.. I'm just not sure I want to be involved in any emotional situations with you right now, I do not have the willpower to fight the emotions that drive me towards you. If you want to send me a letter, please do, though, I will read it well, with pleasure.

do what I want you to

Yes, I know I'm not perfect, and a lot of trouble. Especially when you don't do what I want you to. Sorry about that.

I look forward to reading your thoughts you've saved for me. I still care about you, I am sure you know. The type of communication we have right now is what we need to continue to have. I would love to have a chat in person and get a hug too. Perhaps later this evening, I have a few things I need to take care of first. I'll meet you at your balcony, perhaps.

only acting to protect

Yes, I know, you're right, and we are explosive together. I react badly to your outspoken ways, because of my quiet, repressed upbringing. I know you are a beautiful woman inside and out, and would never have been your close friend if you weren't. I still love you.

But, get back to work, I'll talk to you some day in the future about all this. Right now, I'm just working and trying to protect what we have. Sorry to get you involved in the small minded pettiness of the social scene up here, I am only acting to protect our lives.

sociopathic

I'll be having another conversation with him immediately regardless of date or time. On that occasion, I will cite to him each instance I know when he's lied, including the story of first day I met him and I will inform him if I hear another word, I will expose him for the meddlesome, sociopathic liar that he is.

Then, if I do hear of any further trouble from him, he can talk to my lawyer, and I will be happily taking some of that money that he's always talking about... in exchange for the defamation of my character in the community, invasion of my privacy, and meddling in other people's lives. And if he thinks I don't also have friends in high places, he's going to be in for a surprise.

Paradise Lost

Let's have paradise back, instead of how I feel, which is Paradise Lost.

You and I are another issue, let's just say we have lots of issues to work out that I or you have no time for. I can't let them go though, as it just doesn't work for me, so I need to let you go farther away instead. I know you will enjoy the work time, and so will I. It's time to re-focus.

urge

I want you to know you are the only woman I've ever actually felt the urge to physically beat up.