Charms

Tarot Cards, Viking Runes, Astrology, Prayer Beads, Jewels, Daily Yoga, Chanting & Mediation, Friends, Adventures. My interest are vast, my travels too few. My soul cries for a bitter one.

My reality has shifted. I live my life in the forest amongst blue birds, bunnies & eager mountain men. Discipline and positive energy flow are challenges faced daily in my small alpine village. The balance between my cyber world & real nature, just outside my door is very odd, but refreshing. And healing.

Oracles of truth & guidance are helping me uncover & release the person I am. Intuitive insight is an ever changing tool within myself, to help me along with difficulties in all areas of life. While growing on all levels, this past decade has been a dream come true. Raised a good lil Lutheran southern belle, my Bible versus were memorized, but my spirit & passion belonged to the earth. Pagan at heart? I doubt it, but I may find something soon enough. Not that I am shopping for a religion or anything, but it's sure fun to start the exploring down a new path. Kayaking the Kern this Spring, anyone?

Cannot believe it took so damn long for me to get here. My new home, my enchanted forest, my own canyon, my mountains. Pure heaven - with a little bit of hell. I feel like fresh jello. The mold has been lifted.

Yep - I even read more horoscopes on a daily basis, just for fun & convenience sake. They are so ironic & entertaining sometimes!

Barrel of a Gun

Do you mean this horny creep
Set upon weary feet
Who looks in need of sleep
That doesn’t come
This twisted, tortured mess
This bed of sinfulness
Who’s longing for some rest
And feeling numb

What do you expect of me
What is it you want?
Whatever you’ve planned for me
I’m not the one

A vicious appetite
Visits me each night
And won’t be satisfied
Won’t be denied
An unbearable pain
A beating in my brain
That leaves the mark of cain
Right here inside

What am I supposed to do?
When everything that I’ve done
Is leading me to conclude
I’m not the one

Whatever I’ve done
I’ve been staring down the barrel of a gun

Is there something you need from me?
Are you having your fun?
I never agreed to be
Your holy one

Whatever I’ve done
I’ve been staring down the barrel of a gun



lyrics by - Depeche Mode

My Story, page 1

On my 40th birthday, I type to you, my fans, my Escapers. To tell my stories of adventure & my tales of woe. I am DanaMite, founder Total Escape. The web site, the store, the trips, the vehicles, the land, the people. Total Escape, the vision.

Created in 1996 as a web resource for California, I compiled thousands of destination pages & digital photographs of anything outdoors. Anything California, anything camping, anything I could think of. Pouring out my knowledge of back roads & rural hide-always to you, my web buddies, my nature seekers, I realize that I do indeed love my job. Following my passions & blending adventurous strangers & friends, plus local travels, puts me on the map as a fun loving outdoors professional.

Last week we celebrated with a huge Aquarius-A-Go-Go party with 10 birthdays, at DanaMite's home. Escapers from all over SoCal & some local neighbor folks joined the festivities.

Today, this is my big four-ohhh! Wow, another decade has past. Some women are terrified to reach this age, as they see it all down hill from here. Hog wash I say. I am physically fit, attractive, never married, no kids, running my own successful dot com from my mountain paradise, living in a beautiful forest in a small cabin community in SoCal, with tons of cool neighbors (& a handful of freaks), plus I am driving a new Saabaru. After high school, I left Louisiana to discover myself & talents in California. I worked my ass off through junior colleges, art center, a 3D animation career & now I am 10 years into this web profession. Life is pretty good to me & all I wanna do is share it!

I was pretty excited about a 40th birthday, as I have accomplished a fair amount & very proud of who I am. But as happy as my life seems, there is always an undercurrent of unrest, uneasiness & negativity. Yes, there are people who love to hate & that usually means difficulties, dramas & disenchantment. Yes, someone is ruining my little mountain paradise, on purpose. And Miss Mite is getting very, very annoyed. A disturbed ex-lover who's trying to control my whereabouts, my life & my fun is now seeking court orders against me, the 105 lb camp diva. No guns, no dogs, no live-in boyfriend. Why do I pose a threat to him? (What, with my poetry?)

Remember now folks, he followed me up to Pine Mountain - 3 long years ago. He shows a darkness like I have never seen.

I am here to tell my story.
Stay tuned. There is definitely more to come.

Born of Frustration

All this frustration
I can’t meet all my desires
Strange conversation
Self-control has just expired
All an illusion
Only in my head you don’t exist
Who are you fooling
Don’t need a shrink but an exorcist

Show me the movie
Of who you are and where you’re from
Born of frustration
Caught up in the webs you’ve spun
Where’s the confusion
A vision of what life is like
Show me the movie
That doesn’t deal in black and white

Stop stop talking about who’s to blame
When all that counts is how to change

All this frustration
All this frustration
Who put round eyes on a butterfly’s wings
All this frustration
All this frustration
Who gave the leopards spots and taught the birds to sing

Born of frustration
Born of frustration

I’m living in the weirdest dream
Where nothing is the way it seems
Where no one’s who they need to be
Where nothing seems that real to me
What can we build our lives upon
No wall of stone, no solid ground
The world is spinning endlessly
We’re clinging to our own beliefs

Born of frustration
Born of frustration


lyrics - by James

beg of thee

My strength shines on
While I sing my song
Weakness creeps in
To bring original sin

Your light used to shine so bright
But all I see now is your darkest plight

Understanding nothing more
I am down here on the floor

Humble me, I beg of thee

Extraordinary

When one woman, for whatever reason, has the opportunity to lead an extraordinary life, she has no right to keep it to herself.

Aquarius-A-Go-Go

What a great weekend. The last of the party guests just left -- on this lazy late Sunday afternoon. Yes, DanaMite held the umpteenth annual Aquarius-A-Go-Go birthday bash in Pine Mountain Club this weekend.

Aquarian Lynn came up from Sage Brush Annie's with her instruments.
Kristin, the massage therapist from San Diego, joined her.

Aquarian Emiko from my Art Center days came too & made her yummy home made chili.

Katy (Aquarian) & Grant drove in from San Diego. Bob & MIke graciously offered their spare room in the most luxurious of settings. Mike baked a delicious home-made southern fave - a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting.

Both Suite Caroline from Hermosa & Noni made it out to join the celebrations. Both were passed out before midnight, while the party raged until 3am.

Cindy from Orange County hooked up with Paul from down the street & had a room reserved at Marcelo's new mountain pad. Aquarian Julie & Marcelo were entertaining each other, so they were missing in action for most of the weekend.

Erik (Aquarian) from Mountain BodyWorks traded massages with all the feel good energy folks.

PMCLocals who made an appearance: Aquarian Sista Moutique, Marguerite, Ren, Devon, Bob & MIke, Peter & John, Lee & Stephanie, Stewart from Pinon Pines, Steve & Crissy from Cuddy, Bobbie & Joe, from the Bear Cafe. Maybe more, but the night has now become a big blur.

Sunday, today, we did a coupla small hikes around town. Now it's off to Marguerite's to see here plastering job & finish off the red velvet cake. Then over to Mike & Bob's for steak dinner.

Yeah! What a great group of friends. Life is indeed good.
Thanks to all who showed up & I am really looking forward to more gatherings.

Stay tuned for the photos.

Silence

Give me release
witness me
I am outside
give me peace

Heaven holds a sense of wonder
and I wanted to believe
that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides

Passion chokes the flower
'til she cries no more
possessing all the beauty
hungry still for more

Heaven holds a sense of wonder and I wanted to believe
that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides

I can't help this longing
comfort me
I can't hold it all in
if you won't let me

Heaven holds a sense of wonder and I wanted to believe
that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides

In this white wave
I am sinking
in this silence
in this white wave
in this silence
I believe x2

I have seen you
in this white wave
you are silent
you are breathing
in this white wave
I am free
I am free
I am free


lyrics by - sarah mclaughlin

What Lies Within

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Bless

Romans 12:14

Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.

Walking in My Shoes

I would tell you about the things
They put me through
The pain I’ve been subjected to
But the lord himself would blush
The countless feasts laid at my feet
Forbidden fruits for me to eat
But I think your pulse would start to rush

Now I’m not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

You’ll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
If you try walking in my shoes

Morality would frown upon
Decency look down upon
The scapegoat fate’s made of me
But I promise you, my judge and jurors
My intentions couldn’t have been purer
My case is easy to see

I’m not looking for a clearer conscience
Peace of mind after what I’ve been through
And before we talk of repentance
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes


lyrics by - Depeche Mode

Aquarius, part 1

AQUARIUS WOMAN: The most important thing for you to remember about Aquarius Woman is that "she knows!" After all, her motto is "I KNOW, therefore I AM." She's intellectual, independent, rebellious and a bit outrageous! She rules technology and electricity; therefore, she is a technology marvel even if she doesn't realize it yet. Aquarius Woman is usually drawn to careers that put her where there are crowds and masses of people because she rules the 11th house friends and organizations. You may also find her in careers that have to do with media or careers that utilize her technological gifts. She may even have her own website. Her sense of humor can literally roll you right off your chair. She's an inspiration to everyone around her. She sees joy in the gloomiest situations and some how makes it all seem fun. She sees the world as incredibly "beautiful" with her child-like eyes. She may use the word "serendipity" in her vocabulary as she also has the most inventive mind of the zodiac.

This is one gal who will not be caught up in social trends and fads. She's unconventional, a bit eccentric and not all that concerned about her appearance. She'll roll up her sleeves and get down to business and doesn't mind getting her hands dirty. When it comes to her daily job, she's committed to duty and regimented to her core. More than likely, she has a hobby that will keep her awake during the wee hours of the night. She's probably reading and filling her mind with more information. Don't be surprised if one day she gives up her steady paycheck to chase her passion . . cause she'll do it! She's likely attracted to a man who is overbearing, arrogant, outrageous and probably maniacal. She imagines this type of man lacks in Love and is full of himself; therefore, she is free to pursue her independent ways. Independence is her "air" and she has to have it! Even though her relationships may seem dispassionate, she is a perfect example of the "woman who Loved too much" and that goes for all her relationships. Aquarius Woman is not a bit clingy because she is the most freedom-Loving sign. Rarely do Aquarius Women marry or they marry later in Life, because they are so independent and unwilling to give up their personal freedoms. When you communicate with her, use logic first rather than emotional drama because her communication skills are more than just emotional jabber. Oh - all those men around her, if she says they are "just friends," believe her!

Awareness

I am aware that I am NOT most people. I do not think or act like the majority, nor do I want to. No television for 20+ yrs means I have lotsa time to work on myself, my education & my web biz. As a poor southern girl who has worked her ass off to get to where she is, I am very proud of my business & my life of accomplishments. I choose live my dreamy little life on my own conditions, under my own reality & creating a magnificent portal for all Californians to utilize for their valuable 'days off'.

Most of my many friends really appreciate me & what I stand for. Adventures, local travels, new connections, small towns, hidden destinations, mother nature, & online promotion, are all part of my daily life. I always welcome newness, change & freedom into my world. My friends & associates are vast, my knowledge growing & my skills improving.

Recently, however, I have discovered a few angry souls who despise me for what I am. They love to hate. They are negative misplaced fools who blame others for their miserable lives. These energy-suckers will ruin your day, if you but let them. They will pull you down to their level at whatever opportunity they can find. These are the folks who will pretend to be your friend, then talk vicious lies behind your back, due to their uncontrollable envy & greed. Yes, there are unhappy people nearby, affecting my new mountain paradise, that hate me with all the passion & purpose they can muster up.

My ultimate dream to work from home in a rural cabin community & grow my 10 yr old business to a total success, has turned into a living hell, all based on jealous paranoia of weird neighbors. The small town gossip drama has risen - with an ex-lover who cannot stop looking at me, can't stand seeing me & cannot stop talking about me. Adults acting like high school kids, brewing in their own negativity, their own problems, in a bitter downward spiral that only they created.

The weekly soap-opera has escalated now & I will make my voice heard for all who wish to listen. As the years unfold in Los Padres - lives will change, careers will be altered, & old opinions re-evaluated. This silly story should be entertaining at the very least.

Awareness, on all levels, means I now look far beyond the mundane petty bull shit of today, deep into the future. Aquarians are known to see farther than any other of the zodiac signs. The unforeseen, the unexplained, the unknowable, the uncertain future are all exciting new realms, not to be feared, but to embrace by each & every one of us. Enemies come in all shapes & sizes. Mean people do exist, even in the most beautiful alpine villages.

Who knows, maybe I can write a book on day, as I've never been one to back down from challenges or good story telling.

clean air

Well good, at least he's accounted for. I was beginning to wonder, I mean worry. Together again. Second, no, third time this week. This is the best I can hope for, right now.

Capable of showing passion & enthusiasm for just about anything, he is a rare talented breed of excellent stock. Born a lover, he knows how to play his women well with dining, music & lotsa lovable sex. Yes. I was a mere pawn in the grand scheme of his world. Animalistically attracted, like nothing I have ever felt in my decades of romancing, we played each other with caution & electrical sparks. What we shared was truly unique, although he now claims we had no special chemistry. Cast aside like a humbled beggar, my reality will never be the same.

He must be in good hands now with the nurturing touch he was longing for. I hope they teach each other well. This may be her last possible chance, ever again to mate. Let her have him. She's failed at so much in life, let her have this one glory, if only for a short while. She had to beg, borrow, cheat & steal to acquire her possession, while betraying our friendship, she used me. The betrayal is obvious. The reasons are clear. Greed, jealousy, envy.

Feel comforted that he is in a safe place, local & not wandering. What more can I ask for?

Hmmm. I can surely wait this one out. Perhaps at the cost of my sanity, but at least I live in a beautiful pine forest & breathe clean air.

Feisty

From the poor bayous of Louisiana, a feisty lil girl escaped to the higher elevations of California. Seeking a dream life, like so many who move out west, DanaMite moved to San Diego in 1984, after high school graduation. Landing so close to the water & examining the glistening downtown bay at night, I knew I had made the right choice. My father took me to a jazz bar & grill. That night is engraved in my head forever.

The Sum

the sum of the year
is precious my dear
for it holds the collection
of your own reflection

tis the only season
for my timely reason
sharing, caring & loving aloud
walking so tall & very proud

do not be a lazy jerk
the sum of your work
is measured with love
efforts, hardships, everything from above

Proverb

Proverbs 24:17

Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth.

Reclaiming Your Manhood

Sit down with your wife and say something like this: 'Honey, I've made a terrible mistake. I've given you my role. I gave up leading this family, and I forced you to take my place. Now, I must reclaim that role.'

Timothy

1 Timothy 2:11-13

A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or have authority over a man; she must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve.

Love (my) Life

How does a petite & fiesty brunette get a decent date in this cyber world?

105 lbs. Never married, no kids, self-made dream career, decent looking, in shape & a mountain home owner seems like more than decent qualifications. But all I've found up here is silly, dorky, stoned boys wanting me to drop what I am doing to service them. Or divorced toothless contractor alcoholics. Excuse me fellas! I am not your mother, nor your shrink, nor your cook, nor your girlfriend.

My love life is dismal (at best) & I am still seeking that one special man who will find me more than just intriguing. The one that will not be intimdated by a strong personality.

Drag Along

fresh starts, a new year
reconsider by your own ear

forget the past & move ahead
morbid curiosity never dead

working here with colors shown
earth passions, always alone

here I am near living fools
killing the day with little tools

be there, be square
be all, I hope to care

talk is cheap
lessons are long
thank you babe for singing that new song

reality is set
experiences are wrong
thanks so much for dragging me along

Welcome the Longer Days

As I beat down my ever growing ego & try to unravel my last few ounces of sense, I decide to relay my thoughts via this new venue. The last 3 years of my life has been a whirlwind of constant activity and growth. Emotionally, physically, financially, romantically, spiritually... in almost every aspect of my life, there has been massive changes and challenges. Dragging myself thru the dirt, choking on all my dust, I am here to celebrate.

I am welcoming in the new year with a fresh start; new energy, lotsa love and more discipline than ever before. Tone up them abs, eat better foods, continue my dream life (with more awareness): my first home & my growing dot com biz. More home improvements, more marketing, more content and photos, building a better web site - for everyone to enjoy.

My life currently consists of:
Joomla training (Content Management Software)
OSCommerce (New Storefront & Constant Updates)
Trek Mountain Bike (Recently Reconditioned)
Saabaru (2005, AWD, 30 mpg)
Household Paint Dark Purple (for my LaundryRoom)

Last year, I finally slowed down. Adulthood is right around the corner. I traveled less, worked more & lost 25 lbs.
My past year can be summed up with photos - http://totalescape.net/pix/2005/